Things A Girl Shouldn’t Be Exposed To

January 16, 2010

1. The classic fairytale

I mean, do you really think that the story of the born-pretty-had-a-happy-childhood-then-her-father-died-and-she’s-left-in-the-hands-of-her-cruel-stepmother-and-was put-to-work-and-cry-in-the-night-and-had-mice-as-friends-even-though-that’s-not-sanitary-and-she-had-to-wait-for-Prince-Charming-to-save-her-and-even-need-fairy-godmother-to-go-to-a-stupid-ball Cinderella?

Tell her about the Cinderella who, despite how she looks, strives for the things she wanted in life and worked really hard and got them, which includes Prince Charming. Or screw the prince. She can get another man with more backbone; for all we know, Charming might have one hell of a smile, too much gel in his hair, a too-chauvinistic attitude, and no brains at all.

Tell her that Cinderella decided she’d had it all, left home, opened a circus with her rodent friends, got really rich, and married a gentleman who loves her and asks her for her hand even though she was an orphan with a circus.

Or she could marry a sword-swallower named Gregory the Great and have 12 kids.

Instead of the Rapunzel who waited all day long in her tower, waiting for a knight in shining armor to save her, tell her about the Rapunzel who shoved the witch off the window, tied the end of her hair to the window-pane and climb down the tower using her hair, then cutting that famous hair short. And then taking over the empire and became the first known female ruler instead of Elizabeth.

Instead of- well, you got the point.

The moral story might be nice, you know, about good conquering evil and whatnot. But the question is…or questions:

“What if the girl developed the Cinderella syndrome? Just wait until that one man comes, preferably handsome and rich, who would swept her off her feet and marries her and they’ll live happily ever after?”

“What if the girl believes so very in love at the first sight, that she marries some handsome dude with borderline personality disorder with a side of schizophrenia named Gavin after they danced once, just because Cinderella and Charming danced and fell in love?”

“What if the girl’s not pretty?”

Will she be bulimic or anorexic and have facial reconstruction? Because every Cinderella, every Rapunzel, every Aurora, none of them is ugly or even average-looking. They’re the classic beauty, and one of the many reasons they became the wives of Prince Charming (what’s the deal with that anyway, none of the Prince had any real names save for ‘Charming’. Are they all the same person who is a practicing Mormon? LOL). None of the tales shows an ugly or average looking princess who was valued for her inner beauties. Which then brings me to the second reason:

2. Barbie dolls.

Yes. The anorexic, freakishly unproportioned doll. If she were scaled to human size, she would be 7’2″ with a 40″ bust, a 22″ waist and 36″ hips. Plus, she has a really sensitive feeling; the producer of the doll, Mattel, sued the Danish pop band Aqua, for their 1997 song “Barbie Girl”, depicting the plastic doll as a bimbo and a party girl.

But Aqua won the trial, and hurt Barbie’s little PVC feelings.

Compare to The Body Shop’s doll, Ruby:

Notice the caption?

3. Teletubies.

I’ve always want to ask a question everytime I caught that program on TV…

“What the hell is that!?”

4. Perry’s Chemical Engineering Handbook.

Seriously.

Have you seen the book?

5. Crazy and/or obsessive stalker.

6. Second-hand smoke.

7. Asbestos fumes.

8. Nuclear waste.

On further though, number 8 should’ve came first.

Hey, whatever.

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