Fairytales 02

March 22, 2009

You know what to do… Highlight only if you wish to read:

“How dare you, Queen Marianne,” Harriet shrieks, “you go to another kingdom to consult a witch when I, the Magnificent and Great Harriet the Witch, lives within the boundaries of your kingdom. And of all the witches in the Far, Far Away Kingdom, you went to her,” she added the last word with an amount of disgust, pointing her dirty finger to Helga. “You can go to the Wicked Witch of the West, but no, not you, you go to Helga.”

“Dear Harriet,” Helga says, with a pleading tone, “let by gones be by gones, shall we?” She continues in a soothing tone, “It isn’t any of our fault, it was pure accident. You can’t blame me for it, it isn’t my fault your nose fall off. I’ve warned you that reconstructive charms can be tricky, haven’t I? Look at the bright side, now you have…well, a little less nose!”

“Wasn’t your fault!? Wasn’t your fault!!??” Harriet echoes in a hysterical voice, while touching her nose, which was one shade less tan than the rest of her face. She suddenly calms herself, but still looking very horrible, what with the hyenas and vultures around her. “Enough with that. Now, you,” says she, pointing one black, disgustingly dirty index finger to Queen Marianne. “I shall make you pay. I don’t give a damn even if you are the Queen of Narnia. And when you’re just a mortal queen,  how dare you insult me. Hell hath no fury like a witch scorned.”

The two queens look helplessly to Helga, for their soldiers have been jinxed into lizards, their carriage-drivers changed into toads, and now their maids are mere mice, and the ornately crafted carriages are now orange pumpkins. But Helga, ever the phlegmatic girl, always runs away from confrontation. So she disappear with a loud “Pop!” into thin air, leaving the two queens and the little royal infants into the mercy of Harriet.

“Now,” says Harriet, looking at the two babies, smiling wickedly and rubbing her two dirty hands together, “What shall I do? Now, now, the question is what curse shall I use? How about…when the little princess turns eighteen and pricks her finger on a spindle…no, no, I’m very certain that one’s been used. Wouldn’t want to be charged with plagiarism now, would I…,” Harriet is deep in her evil thoughts, murmuring, “Oh, this is just so classic, the evil witch offended, becomes furious, curses the princess, and then killed by a prince charming. No no no…we’ll have to do better than that.”

Harriet looks at the princess and the prince, the prince and the princess, over and over, while both queens stand frozen, too afraid to move, for they are now surrounded by the nasty creatures. Suddenly a thought strikes Harriet.

“So…,” she says, in an unusual spine-chillingly sweet tone, “you two have bound your children? They are to…,” her face is now right in front of the queens’ faces, “marry?”

“Y-y-yes,” Queen Felicity stammered.

“Well,” say Harriet, “to show you that I am not at all evil, I shall not stand in your way,” says she, in a sweet angelic voice, “The prince will, indeed, meet the princess. They will indeed, fall in love. They will, indeed, have a wedding. However,” her voice suddenly turn harsh, “I shall make the story a teeny weeny bit more interesting…,” says she, raising her index finger to the princess.

Both queens suck in their breaths, and move not even a tenth of an inch.

“Then…,” she says in a sweet voice unsuited for her, “as the night before their wedding fades, as the moon disappears and the sun starts to arise to the joyful day, the prince shall turn into the one thing the princess hates the most. And to turn the prince back into human, the princess must kiss him. Should she fail to do so before the break of dawn a fortnight after the wedding day, the prince shall remain unchanged forever.”

And with that, Harriet shrieks, and the hyenas and the vultures that are fluttering above her start to squawk loudly, and start to flap their wings in a frenzy, sending big, black feathers scattering in every direction. One of the vultures land, Harriet then mounts it, and with one final, disheartening cry, off she go, leaving two terrified and saddened queens on the ground.

(to be continued)