The Count Down

November 7, 2008

My teenage years are about to expire. In about…11 hours, I’ll be officially 20 (I was born on November 8th, 1988 at exactly 6:10 am).

I have since long been reflecting on my life so far. What have I done? What have I achieved? What is my purpose? Does my life have a special meaning, or am I just passing by?

I’ve been a bit too melancholic lately, thinking things that I wouldn’t thought about in my normal days.

I also thought about decisions I’ve made in the past, whether they were the right ones or not. All the mundane choices that I’ve made throughout my life. Or, the one that haunted me the most, choosing universities.

I have a lot of considerations when I decided to choose ITB over NTU and NUS, but I’ve forgotten them by now. And now I’m wondering whether I’ve made the right decision. Whether I should’ve just go to Singapore 2 years ago.

But it’s in the past now. I usually don’t like to dwell in the past, but my melancholic mood had me thinking about things in the past.

I’ve done mistakes, too. And I’ve learnt not to repeat them. I’ve done embarassing things and I know better now. I’ve learnt to differentiate between friends and pseudo-friends and foes. Between hypocrites who speaks sugary words in front of you but trash-talk you to others. I’ve learnt that sometimes (a lot of the times, in fact), it’s better to keep your mouth shut. I’ve learnt not to give in to infatuation, that it’ll make me look really foolish to fall head over heels over someone. I’ve learnt to cherish small details. I’ve learnt…well, the point is, I’ve learnt quite a lot.

But it is my belief that I’m still growing up. That I’m still in the process. That in everything, the process is very important to determine what kind of result one would get (contrary to the Indonesian tradition that ignores the process but rather dwells on the results instead).

Until now, I’m still searching for my purpose on this planet, and I believe that God will show me the way.

Wish me luck. =)

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